Degrees of Freedom
by inkydoo
Summary: A slow tention that could lead to a timid romance, but instead heads full speed towards tragedy. It's Knives' turn to try and save his brother. VxM. R
1.

A/N: hello all. i haven't forgotten about my other story, i'm just taking a break. i had a few chapter written out on my computer, and then it decided to explode. now i have computer guts all over my office and i haven't taken the time to rewrite the missing chapters. don't worry...i will. HOWEVER, i started this story in class today and decided to write a bit on it first. so, please enjoy this story while you're waiting for the nex to er story.

He looked over the scene that was unfolding before him as if everything was happening in slow motion. The bullets exploded trhough the flesh of the woman who was suddenly standing in front of him, her body shaking as each hunk of lead found refuge deep within her muscles and organs. The group of bounty hunters kept firing into her back. Her eyes: they were huge, full of compassion, love, remorse. _'Tell him...I'm sorry,'_ she thought as he let her throughts flicker into his mind, a montage of images of his goofy brother doing stupid things. He was so stunned at the outpouring of emotion, at the fact that she had just intervened to save his lfe, that he couldn't even move to catch her as her broken body rushed to meet the hard, dusty ground.

None of this made sense. He was replaying the event again in his mind when he suddenly saw his brother running towards him with a look of sheer horror and desperation etched into his face.

This was all wrong. It wasn't supposed to be like this.

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Three weeks earlier

Knives had been recovering from the wounds his brother had inflicted upon him. While he was making steady progress, Vash seemed a little concerned at the amount of time it was taking for his brother to heal. Normally, a plant should have been able to recuperate much more quickly than a human, but Knives had been in bed for a month and his wounds were still in the process of closing. Even worse, he had yet to regain conciousness, which really worried Vash. He could still feel his brother somewhere in there, but he couldn't make any contact. Knives' subconscious was just projecting images: dreams and fears. Vash had no real way to communicate with his brother.

All he could do was wait. He pulled up a chair and had basically stayed put for the entire month, only leaving occasionally to stand up and stretch or go to the bathroom. Vash was conflicted. He was staring at his brother and his greatest adversary at once as he looked at the man lying in bed. He was worried that his brother would wake up and continue on his rampage, but he was more worried that his brother wouldn't wake up at all. He already felt like a freak, and even if Knives was a genocidal maniac, he was exactly the same kind of freak. Vash took a little bit of twisted comfort in that knowledge. If his brother was alive, then he could never really be alone. Even though he hated what Knives had done, Vash still loved him. He was groggily contemplating what he was going to do with his brother when a light knock on the door snapped him out of his reverie.

He didn't say anything, but the door opened anyway and Meryl shyly walked in with a tray of food. She was caught in his gaze and blushed a little, but managed to force her eyes away as she walked over to the bedside table and set the tray down. "Vash, you need to eat something." As if on queue, his stomach rumbled, betraying his recently acquired stoic posturing. He looked up at her and saw the worry in her eyes. She was worried about him, and that made him feel even more guilty. He had brought his brother here, he was a drain on the girls' resources, and to make it worse, she was wasting her time concerned with his wellbeing. He looked away, ignoring the pain in his empty stomach. He didn't deserve this kindness. He should have killed his brother and himself when he was out in the desert. He was fairly certain he wouldn't be missed, and if he was, those people would eventually move on and be better off without him. He didn't know why he had even come back here, since he knew he would be putting her in danger, but something in him drove him to where Meryl was. He was so selfish.

Meryl could see the sudden sadness in his eyes. She touched his shoulder and whispered quietly to him, "Please, you need your strength." The tenderness of the touch was what got to him. She cared about him. She was worried about him. She went out of her way to take care of him. The least he could do was eat something for her. He took a bowl of stew off of the tray and ate it slowly, still full of self-denial. She pulled up a chair and sat quietly next to him as he finished his food. He set the bowl back on the tray and looked down at his brother warily.

"Why don't you go rest for a little while?" she gently prodded him. She knew he hadn't been sleeping well for weeks. More than once she had silently crept in and draped a blanket across his broad shoulders in the middle of the night.

"I can't. What if he wakes up?"

His sad, tired eyes met her worried, fiery ones. "Please. You need to take care of yourself. I'll watch over Knives while you rest." She could see the doubt in his eyes. "Don't worry. I will wake you up if he regains consciousness."

Though he was apprehensive, he was deeply appreciative to her for volunteering to shoulder some of the weight of this burden. He covered her hand with one of his. "Okay, if you insist." He felt his lips turn in a small smile as he saw her cheeks glow with a slight blush.

She looked down at her hand and wondered if he had a clue what this simple gesture was doing to her. "O...okay..." She shook her head to regain her composure and withdrew her hand from his, a little slower than her mind wanted her hand to move. "You can rest in my room. I'll come get you if anything changes."

He looked more content than he had in a long time as he stood and squeezed her shoulder gently. "Thanks." He was a little wary of leaving his brother, but just as his stomach had finally driven him to eat, his eyes were driving him to sleep, and it would be wonderful to stretch out in a bed for a change.

She kept her eyes down until his lanky form had exited the room. She suddenly let out a sigh. "Don't think about it, Meryl. He doesn't need your emotions weighing him down. He has so many problems and doesn't need you adding to them." She looked at the unconscious source of nearly all of Vash's problems. "I hope you can change...for his sake."

Down the hall, a tired gunman was finally drifting off into restful sleep as thoughts of a certain insurance girl floated through his head.   
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He rolled over and looked out the window. He couldn't tell if it was morning or evening. He sat up and stretched his arms. He hadn't felt this good in a long time. He got up and walked to his brother's room and saw Meryl still in the last place he had seen her. She was leaning on the side of the bed, her head on top of her folded arms, her soft breath gently moving the hair that had fallen into her face, a closed book with dog-eared pages to the side of her. In sleep, she seemed to shed all the worry that surrounded her when she was awake. He crouched down and watched her sleep for a while. He didn't want to wake her up. She looked so peaceful.

The light of the suns caused the room to grow brighter, and Vash suddenly realized that she had been in this room for hours, watching over his brother just like she said she would. Guilt tugged at his heart as he looked on her. Why did he have to sleep so long? This wasn't her problem...but for some reason she was willing to help him. He was torn between telling her to save herself and accepting her help. She really had changed since he first met her. While she was still a spitfire, gone were the days when she would indiscriminantly use physical abuse to end a discussion with him. She seemed more...patient. Was that all?

He had changed as well. He didn't act nearly as goofy as he used to. Between worry and guilt, he seemed to have his emotional plate full. With all they had been through together, he didn't feel the need to keep up pretenses. She knew the truth about him. He didn't have to hide from her, and that simple fact made her all the more important to him. While he sometimes thought of his brother as a complete stranger who just happened to share the same genetic makeup, he felt she really understood him, and he was so thankful that she hadn't turned him away when he needed her most.

Meryl was really the only person he had talked to in the last month. Millie was hardly ever around anymore, choosing to work instead of dwelling on her heartache. Vash admired her tenacity and her determination to keep on going. He often wondered what drove people to keep on going. He definitely asked the same of himself sometimes.

He sat down on the floor and leaned against the bed, his legs crossed, and just watched the precious girl in front of him. He missed her. Sure she was around all the time, but he had been so preoccupied with Knives that he barely paid attention to anything else. As he sat staring at her, he wondered when she had become so beautiful.

Suddenly, he saw Meryl's shoulders move as she began to sit up. She stretched like a kitten and looked around, surprised to be at eyelevel with a sitting Vash. "Wha--?"

Damnit, he'd been caught! "Oh...Good morning! I was just about to wake you up." He smiled at her and she smiled shyly back; her guard wasn't up yet. "Why didn't you wake me up last night? I didn't mean for you to stay here all night long."

She was surprised at his question. "Um...well...I knew you needed the rest. Nothing happened and I got to read a lot of my book, so it was not really wasted time." She looked at him until she realized she was looking at him and suddenly looked away. The sharp movement of her neck caused a shooting pain to go through her upper back. She had probably slept on something wrong. She lifted a hand to rub her sore muscles.

"What's wrong?" Vash watched as she rubbed her neck, feeling even more guilty that he had spent a night in a nice big bed while she had been forced to sit in a chair all night.

"Oh...it's really nothing. I guess I--" Before she could finish the sentence, he had hobbled over on his knees and was now sitting behind her with his hands on her shoulders. His strong fingers were kneeding the tention out of her tired back. "Mmmm... That feels so... Vash! What are you doing?"

He smiled at the mixed messages he was getting from the small girl. With the best salesman voice he could muster, he said dramatically, "Why miss, I am only providing you with a free sample of my Amazing Magic Fingers! Notice how they make stress disappear...make sore muscles untense...and make tired insurance girls happy! Relax and enjoy this free session while you can!"   
The humor had done wonders to lighten the situation. It felt so good to Meryl, for so many different reasons. She relaxed and let her head hang down as his hands worked out all the pain in her neck. Every few minutes a small sigh would escape her lungs. After a while, she was really feeling like putty. That made it all the more shocking when he suddenly patted her twice on the back and announced that his work here was done. After the gentle caresses she had become used to, the patting seemed like slamming.

"So, do you feel better?" He was grinning at her shyly with his hand behind his head.

She was blushing, she knew it, so she kept looking forward. "Mmmhmm..." She had obviously been reduced to monosyllabic responses.

"Well, you've been taking such good care of me, it was the least I could do."

She finally turned around to look at him. He was still just about eye level with her. When he wasn't acting goofy, it was so hard not to take him seriously. His eyes seemed so open, almost endless. She felt like she could tell him anything right now and it would be okay.

"Vash, I..." She stopped herself when she heard a rustling coming from the bed. Vash heard it, too, and was up on his feet in no time. Suddenly, he rushed to the side of the bed and leaned over his brother who had moved a little. It wasn't completely out of the ordinary, but it was enough to give him hope.

"Knives? Knives! Can you hear me?" He got no response. He probed Knives' mind and was only met with the same images shuffling uncontrolled. Vash sank down into the chair, disheartened.

Meryl's previous statement had been completely forgotten. She figured it was for the best. There was no point in being selfish when it was obvious Vash had much bigger fish to fry. "I bet you're hungry," she said a little downtrodden as she got up to leave the room.

She didn't realize he was watching her as she left.


	2. 

As she made her way towards the kitchen, her mind swimming with thoughts of rejection and duty, Meryl was greeted by a face she hadn't seen in what felt like ages. "Hey Millie... What are you still doing here?" 

"Oh Meryl! There you are! I thought maybe you had left already because I checked your room and it was empty. Since we've progressed so quickly in digging the irrigation trenches, the boss gave us the day off! I was wondering if you wanted to go shopping with me today." Millie was standing over the small stove making breakfast like usual.

Meryl poured herself a cup of coffee and sank into a chair by the kitchen table. "That sounds great. I've got to get out of this house." She hadn't been working much since she fractured some idiot's skull at the saloon a few weeks ago. Her job now was basically to run the household. She did most of the shopping and paid the bills, made sure the house wasn't falling apart and forced Vash to occasionally eat and sleep. Though it wasn't the most exciting job she'd ever had, she got to be around Vash a lot...even if he didn't notice her.

"Meryl, what's wrong?" She looked into Millie's innocent eyes and shook the sad expression off her face.

"Nothing, don't worry about it. I've just been couped up for way too long." A little white lie never hurt anybody...right? She took a sip of her coffee.

Millie served up a plate of food for her friend and put it in front of her. "Well, if that's all... Do you want to take Vash his breakfast?"

There was that sad look again. Meryl stared distractedly at the wall. "Actually, could you take it up to him? I'm starting to feel like a pest."

"Oh Meryl," Millie tried to reasure her. "I'm sure Mr. Vash appreciates your help very much. But I can help out, too. I've actually been feeling a little guilty about leaving you here to help him with his brother all by yourself."

"Don't be silly." Meryl finally met her gaze. "It's not like it's hard work. One just lies there and the other one just sits there. Plus, if you didn't work, we'd have no money." Meryl had been sending the insurance company reports to supplement their income, but just when Vash left to find his brother, the company sent a recall notice to the two agents. Meryl wouldn't leave, and Millie was not about to abandon Meryl, so they both decided to resign.

"Okay, if you insist, I won't feel bad!" Thankfully, since the well was a success, Millie was making more than enough money to support the four of them. Millie served up a plate for Vash and walked towards the stairs.

Meryl turned towards her food again, waiting for Millie to return from the boys' room. It was actually taking longer than she had expected and her mind started to wander. She started contemplating her recent career move. It was funny...Meryl's job had meant so much to her, but since being assigned to Vash, everything had changed. Her whole view of the world had been turned upside down. Maybe she was so focused on her job because it was the closest she ever got to being happy. Helping people made her feel good, and doing the right thing made her feel proud. If there was anything that Meryl had a surplus of, it was integrity. Working for Bernardelli was an outlet for Meryl, but in that job she had met a lot of people who were quite disingenuous and only acted out of self interest and greed while promoting an image of servitude. Something about the way Vash always looked out for everyone else was so comforting...satisfying...self-affirming. He was home...if that made any sense. Suddenly Millie appeared, cutting her daydream short.

"Hey, do you think we could squeeze in some errands for Mr. Vash on our shopping trip?" Millie asked.

"Errands? What does he need?" Meryl looked on skeptically as Millie produced a list of things that needed to be done.

"Well, he asked that we 1) pick up his boots from the cobbler's, hmm...2) see if the general store has an army cot or something he could sleep on. I think he's getting tired of the chair. Oh, and 3) he wants us to send out a telegram."

A telegram? "Who's it addressed to?"

"Um...'Doc.'" Millie said the name like it was supposed to clear up all of Meryl's confusion. What did he need to send a telegram out for? As perceptive as ever, Millie read the expression on the small woman's face and provided an answer. "Vash needs his help to fix up Knives. Vash wants him to come visit us."

"Visit? We don't even have enough beds as it is...and...and...and..." Why was she getting apprehensive about this?

"Come on, Meryl, I'm sure that if it's someone Vash knows, it's someone we can trust. Besides, I'm positive that it has nothing to do with the quality of care you're providing. Vash wouldn't know what to do without you. And if he were thinking about leaving, I'm sure he would tell us." How was Millie always able to pinpoint exactly what everybody's hangups were, even before they knew for themselves?

Vash wouldn't know what to do without her? If only that were the truth. Meryl looked guiltily at Millie. "I know...you're right... Well, do you have the station number to send it to and everything?"

"Mmmhmm! Of course! Finish breakfast so we can have some fun!"

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It was an exceptionally nice day. As the two women walked through the town together, they looked up at the endless blue sky. Even if the town wasn't the safe haven they had wished for, it was hard to believe anything bad could happen on a day like this.

Despite the beautiful atmosphere, however, it was hard for the girls not to hear the whispers of the townsfolk. While everybody in the town thought of Millie almost as a hero for her work with the digging team, their opinions of Meryl were of a completely different nature. Most of the flirtatious male population had already experienced her wrath and had written her off as a little on the psycho side, and the hot blooded females thought it wrong that such a hunky outlaw should have to waste his time on such a bitchy nag. Even though Meryl knew herself to be a capable, loving, compationate, and competent individual, the people in the town really weren't doing much for her self esteem. And to make it worse, they knew Vash was living in the town, and Meryl was constantly on edge that someone was going to take advantage of this knowledge. Nobody had been stupid enough to do it yet, but that didn't mean they couldn't sink to a new low...

Anyway, she felt the best way to deal with the morons in town was to ignore them completely, and that's exactly what she did. She stuck her nose up in the air and walked proudly down the street with Millie as they made their rounds.

First up, Millie wanted to buy some new clothes. Her old ones were full of holes because of the hard manual labor she performed every day and thought it would be nice to get something a little more girly since she didn't have to adhere to Bernardelli's dress code anymore. She didn't want anything frilly; maybe just a nice pair of dark jeans and a few fitted blouses. And she definitely thought Meryl was due for a change. Despite her friend's small stature, Millie had always been faithful that with those legs, Meryl could rule the world. WIth some prodding, she finally got her small friend to try on a few sundresses.

"I swear, Millie! These are completely impractical!" As she looked in the mirror, Meryl completely managed to ignore how good she looked and focused only on the negative. Millie chalked it up to nerves.

"I know! Isn't it cute! You look so good that I'm going to buy you two!"

A small gasp of horror came out of her small friend's mouth. "Millie, you don't have the money..."

Millie beamed. "Sure I do! I just got a raise, and a bonus, AND there's more work for my crew than I even know how to think about right now! Just relax and let me buy you this." In a sing-song voice, she added, "We were too poor to get presents when it was Christmas..."

Meryl finally resigned to the fact that she was getting new clothes and picked out her favorite colors, a light purple one and a white one with red flowers on it. Millie also forced a pair of shorts and some jeans on her. Millie got a new pair of work slacks and found the jeans and blouses she was after. With all the items paid for, they made their way to the cobbler's shop.

Apparently Vash had left his shoes here to get fixed quite a while ago and the shoe maker was none too pleased with the amount of space the boots had taken up in his workshop. It took the part of Meryl to get them back at the originally agreed upon price. Millie was afraid she was going to have to stop Meryl from assaulting the shoe maker when he finally relented and went to get the boots. As Meryl crossed her arms in self-satisfaction, Millie looked around the shop and spotted a pair of sandals that would look great with Meryl's new dresses. "Hey Meryl, what shoe size do you wear?"

She answered absentmindedly. "Six. Why?"

"Perfect!" Meryl swung around at the delighted squeal coming out of the big girl and looked in horror at the pair of shoes Millie was holding. "I'm going to get these for you!"

"What!?!"

"Come on! Boots don't go with everything!"

"Millie, what are you trying to do?"

"I'm just trying to cheer you up! You've been down for a long time...you're making this harder than it has to be. You could just say...thanks."

Meryl reacted instantly with regret. "Oh my god, you're right. I'm so sorry I've been acting this way. I'm just not used to having expendible income." Was that the real problem? Oh well...it would suffice.

Millie seemed satisfied with this answer because her face brightened again with a huge smile. Just then, the cobbler appeared with the old pair of boots and rang up the total for the two items.

The telegram went out without a hitch and the trip to the general store was uneventful, save Millie's ecstatic squealing over a new pudding flavor. They found a cot and bought some supplies. Before making their way back home, Meryl stopped by the bakery to get a dozen donuts for a particular broomhead. It was ridiculous. She had left the house to get her mind off of him, and here she was buying him sweets. She really didn't think of herself as the hopeless type, and she didn't want to start now, but even she had to admit that the evidence was stacking up against her.   
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As soon as they got home, Millie rushed to the kitchen and popped three pudding tins of varying color open and quickly had what looked like a very intense taste test underway. Meryl held the box of donuts waitress style, while she had the boots slinged over her shoulder, the buckles of one boot fastened to the buckles of the other. She then tucked the cot under her other arm and clumsily made her way upstairs. She knocked on the door and was just about to push it open like always when a booming voice came at her.

"STAY OUT!"

She dropped everything she was holding in shock and stared at the door. The items fell around her with a crashing noise. Was that Vash? She was about to try again, but something about the way he had said it made her think back to the battle with Monev. That was Vash's serious voice, and that meant things with Knives had probably changed. Maybe he was even awake.

While Meryl's reasonable side was processing all this rationally, the part of her brain that controlled her chin was going haywire. Maybe it didn't have anything to do with Knives' condition. Maybe Vash just didn't want to see her. She ran towards her room to regain her composure. The last thing she wanted was for him to come through the door and find her weeping over two little words.

She lay on her bed and held her breath. It always seemed to help her stave off tears. This was not about her. This was not about her. If she said it long enough, she might start believing it. After she had calmed down a little, she rolled over on the pillow. God, her bed still smelled like him. At that moment, she realized fighting was useless. It was better to just out and out admit that she loved a man who would never love her back. Between all the differences between them and all the problems they would face together, it was probably better just to stay away from each other. It was certainly more practical.

She buried her face in the pillow and breathed in deeply what she would never have in reality. Maybe she had made a mistake. Maybe Vash hadn't wanted her to stay afterall. Maybe Bernardelli would still hire her back. It never hurt to ask. Vash had enough problems. She didn't want to be another one.

It was still early in the evening, but she was so tired. She had stayed up most of the night reading and watching over Knives. She could be content in her life if Vash needed her and wanted her around (any reason right now would due), but it was quickly becoming apparent she would soon be replaced...most likely by this "Doc" person. She closed her eyes, feeling awfully alone, and fell into a fitful sleep.   
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_It was dark all around her. She huddled in the middle of the darkness, straining her eyes against the sea of black. There was nobody around to comfort her, to listen to her, to even laugh at her. She finally broke down and cried. Maybe she couldn't show her emotions in real life, but this was her dream, and she was going to let loose all the pain and all the disappointment she suffered every day. There was nobody to tell her not to. There was nobody to tell her it was going to get better. There wasn't even someone to tell her to get control of herself. All she could take comfort in was her own sadness. It felt like she spent ages curled into herself. She felt horrible for feeling sorry for herself, and that made her cry harder. She couldn't even be sad correctly._

"Meryl? Can I come in?"

Someone's voice cut through the darkness. "Vash? Is that you?" She looked up hopefully, but all she saw was black.

"Yeah, is it alright if I come in?"

"Um...I guess so..." To Meryl's recollection, no one had asked permission to come into a dream before...

After a while, she saw a tall figure emerge from the darkness in front of her. He was still Vash, but somehow, he was different. He was wearing a loose t-shirt and some jeans, just normal clothes, and he looked younger. Meryl halfway noticed that his left arm wasn't a prosthetic arm, and he wasn't covered in scars. She had never seen him like this before, and she was a little taken aback. Somewhere in a very small part of the back of her mind, she was wondering why he would come out looking like this in her dream.

He looked down at her and smiled. "You were really hard to find." She wondered what he meant by that. He took a better look around. This place was cold and menacing, and he hated that this was the place Meryl retreated from the world. He nelt down beside her. "Meryl, please don't cry." Realizing he was seeing her in this weak state, she rubbed furiously at her eyes. She knew this was a dream, but this was different, and she didn't want Vash to see her like this. He extended his hand to her. "Can I take you somewhere else?" She looked at his hand hesitantly. "It's safe, I promise."

She wanted more than anything to go somewhere safe with him. Timidly, she took his hand. "Okay."

In that instant, she felt like she was being sucked into a vortex. She tightened her grip on his hand. Everything was black. Suddenly the air around her was calm and warm and she found herself lying on something soft. She moved her hand around it and felt it tickling her fingers. She opened her eyes and saw what looked like a green carpet, but it was not carpet at all. It was made out of...plants. There were so many skinny leaves poking out of the ground. She sat there mystified as to what it was. She pushed herself off of the ground with her arms and took another look.

"It's called grass," a happy voice from behind her said. She turned around to see Vash sitting behind her, an amused look on his face. She looked back to the ground with an expression of understanding.

"Grass, huh? I've never seen it like this." She ran her fingers through it. "I've only seen a few patches at a geoplant, and I couldn't touch it." Vash watched her as she sat almost in a trance. She seemed so innocent, a tender curiosity he rarely saw was shining through.

"Come on, I've got some other things I want to show you." He held out his hand and as she took it to stand up, she finally looked over the land, stunned at what she was seeing. There was grass that covered gently rolling hills, and beyond the open meadow, there was a forest full of proud, towering trees. Through the meadow ran a quickly moving stream. Along the banks of the stream grew tall grass and beautiful wild flowers. Strange looking insects seemed to be sitting on the buds. In the distance she saw dark mountains against the horizon. Past that was anybody's guess.

"Where...where are we?" She was completely unprepared for this scene. Nothing she had ever seen in real life compared to this beautiful environment. She was reminded of the old myths of earth. Taking her eyes off of her surroundings, she looked at Vash's face. He was beaming, at peace. She had never seen him like this before.

"This is my dream...This is what I want for us...for everyone." He looked over the broad landscape. "This is the Eden I...we will create for everyone to share." He looked back at her. "Come on. I'll show you around."

He led her towards the forest and they hiked through the trees for what seemed like hours. At every turn, there was something to surprise Meryl. At first, Vash had been leading her by the hand, but as she began to feel comfortable with her surroundings, she took up the lead and Vash was the one who had to keep up. Meryl was barely able to take in all of the beauty around her. They came to an open area in the woods. The sun gently fltered through the leaves of the trees. Vash sat down with a thud on the leaf-covered ground.

"Man, you're wearing me out! Let me take a rest." He acted like he was out of breath and patted the ground for her to sit next to him. He leaned back with his hand cradling his head and looked up at the sky. He saw blue...impossible, ridiculous, unbelievable blue.

Suddenly, he felt a pressure on his chest and looked down. Meryl was resting her head on him. She didn't know what kind of dream this was, but she felt certain she would be forgiven for this small transgression. He wrapped an arm around her as they both wished this was real.


	3. 3

HOLY CRAP! It's almost been a year since I updated! I always wondered how authors could let their stories go un-updated for so long. Now I know. Anyway, I hope that the new chapter is penance enough. Read and review!

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"_You made me a promise. Now show me you meant it."_

Had he done the wrong thing? Had he betrayed everyone he'd ever cared about and sold his soul in the same process with two little words?

Vash lay on the cot with an arm draped over his forehead. All vitality had been drained from him hours ago -- ever since Knives had woken up…

He looked over to the bed. His brother lay peacefully unaware of the turmoil his twin was feeling. He had woken up yesterday afternoon. He had wanted water. Vash was ecstatic that Knives was alright. Vash had rushed downstairs and gotten a glass of water, spilling half of it by the time he'd gotten back to the room. All those sad and angry feelings lay dormant for the moment. His brother was alright, and his brother was _here_.

Despite everything that had happened in his long life, Vash felt a completeness he hadn't felt since he was a child.

The warm fuzzies, however, were fleeting, and in a matter of minutes Knives was down to business. He'd wanted to know how long he was out, where they were, who they were staying with, whether or not they were safe, what injuries he had sustained, whether or not this town had a plant, what Vash's relationship was to the humans who were helping him, where Vash's coat was. It threw Vash for a loop. He had expected anger, but not data collection.

When it came right down to it, Knives still saw himself as the superior being, but Vash had won fair and cross-shaped. As a superior being, he knew when he'd been beaten. He knew when it was time to cut his losses, and above all, he knew when to bargain for what he really wanted.

He wanted Vash. He wanted his brother to shed this human filth. He wanted to return to the way things had been when they were both little. This was a slight deviation from his original plan, but the cost was so much less than continued warfare with his brother. Vash was clearly quite serious about protecting these pests, and Knives had already accomplished his goal anyway. With his expert application of violence and friendship through the Gung Ho Guns, Vash would suffer for all eternity.

At that moment, this knowledge was enough for Knives.

Of course, Vash would whine about the humans. "What about the humans?" "Don't kill the humans!" "No one has the right to" blah blah blah… He'd heard it all before. He didn't need to hear it ever again. He thought up a compromise that would save Vash's precious pets and give him what he wanted as well.

"Vash. If you promise me something, I swear that no harm from me will ever befall your precious humans again."

Vash looked at him skeptically. What could he possibly promise that would make Knives end his genocidal wrath? "What do you want?" he asked suspiciously.

Knives took a deep breath and not even the faintest smile crossed his lips. "Promise me that when I can travel alone, we will leave these humans and go out into the desert to cultivate our own Eden."

Eden.

Vash had been thinking about that place for a long time, but he'd always pictured himself sharing it with everyone. What a strange prison it would make for two sinners.

He sat blankly for a moment. Was that really all it would take to end the killing, the anxiety, the loneliness? Was it the right thing to do? He was on his own these days. Rem couldn't help him anymore. She was the conscience of a child, and Vash was a grown man facing ever-increasingly complex problems of life and death and love and faith all rolled together. He felt like he was bargaining with the devil as he looked over at his brother's serious face. Could he do this? Could he just walk away from the humans after living with them for over a century?

But then again, how could he not do it? How could he let his selfishness take over and refuse a deal like this? How could he do that to all the humans who didn't even know they depended on him for their very lives?

"Well?" Knives said impatiently.

With his head hanging and his voice heavy and thick, Vash choked two words out of his dry throat.

"I promise."

But he hadn't expected the first human he would have to turn away would be the very one that was quickly becoming the most important person in his life.

At that instant, Vash could hear Meryl making her way up the stairs. He looked at his brother pleadingly. Was Knives going to do anything to her? Could he be trusted?

Knives just looked back at him sternly. "You made me a promise. Now show me you meant it."

Vash's heart tore in half at the prospect that lay before him: the total alienation of those he cared about. But it was worth it if they could go on with their lives free from the danger of his brother. It was even better if they thought he was the ass. Then they'd just forget about him even faster. He was trying to rationalize his decision with his heart breaking and his thoughts racing.

"Vash, show me."

His brother's voice pulled him out of his thoughts. He heard a soft knock on the door and all he could say was, "STAY OUT!" He hadn't spoken to Meryl like that since he'd fought Monev. He cringed as he heard a loud crash just outside the door and hated himself as he heard small footsteps moving quickly towards the girls' bedroom.

After a moment, he looked up at his brother. He was wearing a solemn expression. "I knew I could count on you."

* * *

That night, he lay on his cot and stared at the ceiling. He had to find a way to communicate with Meryl. Every once in a while, he found himself accidentally slipping into other peoples' dreams. Maybe he could do it on purpose. He could just tell her that he was sorry and that he would be leaving. Then she would know what to expect.

He cleared his mind and reached his consciousness out to Meryl. It was locked tight. That was a little unexpected. Maybe he could find another way in.

After searching for nearly half an hour, Vash finally found an emotion to ride in on. It was an intense sadness, the kind he had felt so many times. It was startling to feel such an emotional burst from Meryl, a person who never let the little stuff get her down and always had it together.

When he finally got inside, he found himself in a bleak landscape. It was dark. It was cold. By this time, his heart was breaking into fours. This was not the place he wanted Meryl to be. He had to find her and get her somewhere else.

* * *

He groaned as he rolled over in the cot and relived the "dream" again. He'd only meant to tell her that he was leaving soon, but somehow he'd spent the whole night just hanging out. He didn't want her to be alone. He didn't want her to wake up. Above all, he didn't want to leave.

Had he given away too much?

He sighed as he heard his brother stir. It didn't matter anymore. Nothing was too big a price to pay if it saved everyone…if it saved her…


	4. Chapter 4

A short update to a nearly-forgotten-about story. I realize I should be working on TLSG at the moment, but for some reason, I started thinking about this story again...

* * *

"I have to tell them."

Knives continued to read his book, acting as if his brother hadn't said anything of interest at all.

"Knives...until you are healed, I am going to interact with the humans. Once you are ready to travel, though, I promise I'll never have anything to do with them again." Vash took a deep breath as he waited for a response.

Knives ignored him for a few moments more, then slowly closed the book he was reading. "Going back on your word so soon?" he asked flatly.

Vash shook his head. "Absolutely not. Look, we need the humans right now. I have called in a friend, a doctor, who knows more about plant physiology than probably even you do and-"

"And how did he come about this knowledge, Vash? Has he been dissecting our kind? Picking us apart?" Knives took his brother's shocked expression to mean the thought had never crossed Vash's mind before. Knives scoffed. "Your naivete is unmatched, dear brother. These humans, these 'friends' of yours, none of them can be trusted."

Vash was still reeling from the accusation Knives had leveled toward Doc. How had he come by all his knowledge of plants? Vash had always assumed he had access on the SEEDS ship to files regarding plant physiology, but now that Vash thought about it, he really didn't know. Vash tried to remind himself what had had called Doc here for: to get Knives patched up and ready for travel as soon as possible. At this point, he didn't really care where the knowledge came from, but just that it was used to make sure Knives never harmed any human being again.

"The doctor...he is useful to you. He can help you heal." Knives laughed a humorless laugh, but Vash knew better. Even he was concerned at the slow rate Knives was healing at. Vash had shot out vital pressure points along Knives' gates only to incapacitate him, but this also seemed to have the effect of retarding his regeneration abilities. At the current rate, he was susceptible to infections just like any normal human who had sustained the same injuries.

"Use the humans' destruction of our own kind in the name of science -"

"We don't know that!"

"- to better ourselves. Vash, that seems awfully hypocritical, awfully...human. And that's not an idea that I find very appealing..."

Vash bit his lip. Knives was one to talk about the destruction of their kind. How many plants had died during the Great Fall? How many plants had met their end at the hands of his brother? Vash took a deep breath, deciding this battle was not one he wanted to fight right now.

Vash was resolute. "The humans will be helping us until you are strong enough to travel on your own."

Knives looked into Vash's eyes and stared hard at his brother. Vash did not look away. After several tense moments, Knives relented and turned his attention back toward his book. "That's good to see," he stated cryptically.

"What is good to see?"

"You, making decisions for yourself, acting like the superior being you are."

Vash was flustered. "I don't, you can't-"

"Please, Vash." Knives turned once again toward his brother, this time with a heavy sense of irritation. "You have won this battle. It won't do you any good to court defeat at this point. Now if you will excuse me, I am trying very hard to concentrate on this book." Knives returned to his reading. A moment later he added, "Might as well entertain yourself with a few of those humans you were so desperate to talk to." With that, Knives resolved to completely ignore his brother.

Vash sighed. Had he won? Was he losing? Was Knives just going to let him change the terms of their bargain? Was he really changing the terms of the bargain? What exactly had he agreed to? He didn't know anymore. Vash had always thought that once he won the final battle, everything would be clear. That didn't appear to be the case, however. Vash sighed again as he stood up to leave. He noticed Knives' eyebrow twitch in annoyance, but Knives didn't say a thing.

Vash walked downstairs and into the kitchen. He had come down here the night before and returned the box of donuts to the kitchen table. It didn't feel right enjoying something from the girls right after he had yelled at Meryl like that. He now sat in front of the untouched box and couldn't bring himself to even open it.

He felt like his life was falling apart. He was giving up so much...Guhe had given up his vow never to kill and now he was making a promise to segregate himself from humans for what could be forever. And at the same time, the girls...Meryl...he didn't want to leave her. Everything in him that usually yelled at him to skip town was screaming at him to stay put.

That in and of itself was probably enough reason to leave as any.

His heart was being pulled in so many different directions at once. Did he want to be with his brother? Did he want peace? Did he want to be with Meryl? Could he really give up the humans just like that? Could he walk away from the only real friendships he had and start a new life alone with his brother in the middle of the desert? Could he give up everything if it meant no one else ever had to die because of him?

He put his head on the cool surface of the table and tried not to think. Some time passed and he must have fallen asleep because the next thing he knew, he was being gently shaken awake.


End file.
